Tuesday 26 May 2009

For singles: Where to meet other singles

If you are a single person looking for a relationship,
you're probably wondering, where is that magic place where
I can meet someone? You have possibly heard the answer to
this questions that is "everywhere" but it doesn't help you
much. You have also heard all the mixed messages like,
he/she will appear when you stop looking for him/her and
don't give up looking for love. Or, love will show up at
your door step when you're ready, but you have to put
yourself out there if you want to meet someone. Are you
confused yet? How is it possible to go out there, put
yourself out there, not look for love, stop expecting it
and at the same time keep on hoping to find it? It is
wonderful when it just happens without you expecting it,
but if you want it so much, how can you stop looking for
it? The answer is, do what feels most comfortable to you.
And how do you know what is comfortable? This is what I'm
about to discuss in this article.

There are three ways you can meet other singles:
spontaneously, by a set up and long term. Each way is
unique and has different pros and cons. The question is,
what is the most effective way for you and which way can
bring you the results you desire? So let's talk about them.

The first and most common way to meet other singles is
spontaneously. And it means what it says. When you meet
someone you feel attracted to or drawn by when you're not
expecting it. It can happen any where at any time and you
never know where, how or why. It just happened. The
beauty of this method is that the fact that you didn't
expect it and it is a pleasant surprise. You didn't have
to work for it, prepare for it or make it happen. There
was no time for you to get nervous in anticipation and
there is no room to screw anything up because it already
happened. However, as beautiful as it sounds, the problem
is that it doesn't happen very often. And due to the
common phrase that says it will happen when you least
expect it, people usually don't stop expecting it, instead
they start desperately hoping for it to happen and get
disappointed if it doesn't happen for a while. They feel
powerless and unhappy. And when they do finally see
someone they like, because they didn't "prepare" for it,
there is a chance they can miss this person because they
didn't take time to put themselves in the open state of
mind or look their best for the occasion.

A set up is a way to meet singles through a specific
activity that you know will bring an eligible
bachelor/bachelorette to a place where you're going. An
example of a set up is online dating, a singles event, a
blind date or a setup date. Going to meet your friends for
dinner where you know they are inviting someone for you is
also a set up. In other words, you are going somewhere
knowingly prepared that a potential candidate will be
waiting for you there. What's great about this way is
knowing that you are not just sitting there feeling unhappy
in your singlehood but are indeed taking action to change
your lifestyle. Another good thing is that you have a
chance and time to get yourself all pampered up and ready
for what's to come. The biggest problem with this method
is the amount of anxiety and fear it creates for some
people. It involves a certain amount of vulnerability and
openness which makes it hard for people and it doesn't
really help to know that you're about to meet someone who
feels awkward about meeting you.

Finally, a long term way is a transition between friends
and lovers, or suddenly developing an attraction to someone
you already know from work, school or an organization you
attend on a regular basis. This way may seem to have the
least amount of risk involved because you have a chance of
getting to know someone in a pressure free environment,
however there is a risk of it not working out and then you
might consider the option of leaving the place to avoid
further contact with this person.

Having said that, what do you think works best for you?
Think about all the possibilities you have and try all the
three ways. You may feel comfortable doing it one way, but
your true love can come to you through a different way.
And knowing that you have more than one option may bring
you the comfort of knowing that you have more than one
choice of doing it.

About the Author:

Katherine Bouglai
Relationship/Dating Coach

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